My Two Cents

This is going to be my page where I write about things that interest me and where I get to explain why I’m right and why everyone else that doesn’t believe me is clearly wrong. What I write is going to be varied and funny, occasionally factual and the rest of the time just for my own and your own amusement. So sit back, relax, and prepare to be entertained, irritated, enlightened, or lulled into a deep sleep.

Today on My Two Cents:

10 Things That Really Irritate Me and Should Irritate You, Too. And counting down….

10.   People who cut in front of me in line. There should be a law that I can publically humiliate any and all people that feel they do not need to wait in line. This includes that woman at Canada Post that looked back at me with my cane, hurried to cut through the queue and bypass the line so that she could send seven different parcels to different places before I could get into the line. Thanks for hurrying so that I could stand for 20 minutes to pick up that one parcel I did not even need to sign for. And, thank you for saying, when you’ve clearly finished, “Oh, if I had seen you coming I would have let you go first.” Sure, lady. I’ll remember that if I ever see you again.

9.    People who let their pets poop on the ground and don’t clean it up. You are gross. And so is your dog. Clean it up. Don’t be that guy that ends up with a large bag of flaming poop on your step.

8.    People that don’t flush the toilet. Are you simple? It is ONE extra step in the bathroom experience. Do you want to check out my excrement? I doubt it. And I don’t want to see yours. The handle is so easy to use. You’re clearly that guy that doesn’t clean up after your pet, either.

7.    People that write vague posts on Facebook so that everyone asks what terrible tragedy is worth alluding to but not sharing. You are a drama queen. Or drama king (is that a thing?). If it is too terrible to discuss, keep it to yourself. We don’t want to play your guessing game for your attention. It’s either not important or you have terrible judgement and need to keep it to yourself.

6.    People who park in the handicap stalls that do not have a handicap pass. There is a special place in Hell for jerks like you. It’s bad enough that you make it harder for people like me to be independent. But, it’s a special kind of pretentious, selfish, lazy douche bag that makes an 80 year old woman, that weighs 90 pounds and has a walker, walk an extra 150 feet to get into the mall. Did you know that a lot of people cannot walk all that extra distance once they have to carry anything? Or that it makes an enjoyable, independent outing for someone with limited independence a stressful and/or painful, or even a dangerous experience? Get over yourself and help those ladies instead of rushing to park in their place.

5.    People who ask what happened to me to make me disabled. Guess what, strangers? It’s none of your business! If you are a friend or family, you can ask. I’ll decide what to answer. Otherwise, you don’t get to ask what happened to me or anyone else you see on the street with some visible or invisible illness or injury. How would you feel if you asked what happened to my leg and my answer was that I was horribly raped by a gang of felons that beat me within an inch of my life and resulted in me having an abortion? I bet you’d feel like a jack ass if that was my answer. Not everyone wants to discuss what is wrong with them. Not everyone wants to have it pointed out that they are different. Trust me; we know that we are different and that people stare at us. You don’t need to point it out by asking us, especially in public where others are listening.

4.    Parents who don’t make their children behave. This one kills me. If you have to bribe your child at the mall with material goods or junk food to get them to behave, you are not doing your job as a parent. Guess what? Kids have to listen to you. That’s your job as the grown up. If your kid is the grown up and you can’t control them, be prepared to send another useless, selfish, self-entitled jerk into the world. Don’t tell me he’s just tired or she’s cranky. She’s yours. Control them. And yes, when I see that I am silently judging you. Parents that can’t discipline their child because they want to be their kid’s friend and not their parent are going to have a very long 18 years ahead of them.

3.    People who are rude to customer service workers. Those people work hard for minimum wage and the restaurant, store or service place you are at. You do not get to be rude to them because you think you are better than they are. If you think that you are better than they are you’ve already proven that you are not. Did they make a mistake? Don’t ridicule them. Don’t yell at them. Don’t humiliate them in front of other customers. Be nice. Be a good example to your kids and show them that you can correct someone without making them feel like dirt. Someday your kid might be that kid and I doubt you’d want anyone to belittle them in a public place.

2.    Celebrities and Politics. They do not go together. Famous people are not by default encyclopaedias of political wisdom. Most of them never finished college because their fame precluded the need to do so. And the ones that ARE well educated are not necessarily experts in the political arena. Politics is an argument of opinion and a contest of whose lies will convince enough people to win. Just because you love The Rock does not mean you should vote based on what he likes. And, celebrities keep your opinions to yourself. You’ve already started a resurgence of fantastic ailments like whooping cough, measles, and even more insidious diseases by touting your expertise in vaccinations. It is the same with politics. Maybe you once played the President in a movie; it does not mean you should be advising the masses of who to vote for. You are famous, and you know that people will do what you say just because you are famous. So, be responsible. Don’t use your ability to pretend you are an astronaut or a soldier or a super hero to influence the regular public to do your bidding in the world. Use your powers for good instead, or keep your mouth shut.

And finally…

  1. RSVP is not an open license to NOT show up at your whim to things you have been invited to. When you RSVP on Facebook, or to an email, or to a written invitation, you are EXPECTED to do what you have said. If you say you are going to attend, you do so. RSVP does not mean, “I’ll come to your event if something better doesn’t come up.” It doesn’t mean “I say I am attending every single event that I am invited to so that I don’t have to be a grown up and say no.” RSVPing to something and not showing up for no reason is the same as lying. It shows that you have no regard for the feelings of other people and no respect for their time. Often, you have cost that person money if they have ordered meals or planned activities. If you do not intend to attend someone’s event, be a decent person and say so. “Maybe” is a rude option that should not be on Facebook. Pretend it is not there. Also, don’t cancel the day of the event if you know you had no intention of going two weeks before. Everyone understands that emergencies happen or important things come up. But, people also know you are a jerk if you RSVP, do not show up, and then post selfies of yourself at the bar that same night. Not only is it rude, it shows that you do not respect the person who has invited you. With any luck at all, they will not waste their time inviting you to anything again.